I'm Not Gonna Lick On Your Contact Lens

I'm not gonna lick on your contact lens, your contact lens, your contact lens.
I'm not gonna lick on your contact lens, no matter how dusty it gets.

It's not my fault you don't have a tongue, have a tongue, have a tongue.
It's not my fault you don't have a tongue, how 'bout you take that up with your dog.

And who feeds a dog bacon from their mouth, from their mouth, from their mouth?
And who feeds a dog bacon from their mouth, while expecting to keep their tongue?

I guess you've never heard of a doggy dish, a doggy dish, a doggy dish.
I guess you've never heard of a doggy dish, or else you're some kind of creep.

Now gettin back to your contact lens, your contact lens, your contact lens-
Now gettin back to your contact lens, why don't you rinse it in the sink?

Oh. That's kind of hard to do without any hands, any hands, any hands.
That's kind of hard to do without any hands. I'm sorry I didn't see before.

But that's what you get for reachin' down the drain, down the drain, down the drain.
That's what you get for reachin' down the drain, when you've got the disposal on.

And by the way, and I hate to bring it up, bring it up, bring it up
I really, really hate to just bring it up, but take a look at your crotch.

Perhaps you need to buy some velcro pants, velcro pants, velcro pants.
Perhaps you need to invest in some velcro pants, cause your barn door's lettin' in some air.

You're acting like you can't hear me none, hear me none, hear me none.
You're ignoring me like you can't hear me none. DOES IT HELP YOU IF I SHOUT?!!!

Oh. I didn't notice you don't have ears, don't have ears, don't have ears.
I see now you've got two little nubbin'-like things, where your ears once were.

Well, it's not my fault that you took the dare, took the dare, took the dare.
I'm not the kind of person who makes a dare for someone to melt their ears.

Anyone knows ears aren't made of wax, made of wax, made of wax.
Just cause there's wax in 'em doesn't mean they'll melt. Man, you're some kind of dummy.

I'd love to stay here and chat all day, chat all day, chat all day.
I'd love to chat it up with you all of the day, but look, here comes my bus.

Good luck with your lens and your hands and ears, hands and ears, hands and ears.
I really hope your lens gets clean and you get some ears. Some ears that really work.

But here's a little hint for you free of charge, free of charge, free of charge.
Take this hint for free, I swear, you don't owe jack: Think before you act.