A Werewolf in Bikram (in 26 Postures)

1
It's time to croon to the invisible moon
Throw my head back and howl
A-WOOOOOOOO!
2
Twitching again
I'm stretching bones to skin
See the crescent come out and
A-WOOOOOOO!
3.
Claws grab at my heels
breath makes its appeal
but turns into a growl and
A-WOOOOO!
4.
Sit back for the chair
That I'm told is not there
Haunches start to contract and
A-WOOOOO!
5.
An eagle goes by
I hear it screech in the sky
I take my paw and I swat it
A-WOOOOO!
6.
Leg solid and stiff
I reach my foot and I grip
Wolves aren't meant to bend, uh-
A-WOOOOO!
7.
Hand off to the side
And it's with wolf-erly pride
I strike a perfect pose and
A-WOOOOO!
8.
To the back of the mat
(Does my wolf gut look fat?)
I wait for the clap and
A-WOOOOO!
9.
Stretch legs out wide
Arms off to the side
Bend down, head to mat, and
A-WOOOOO!
10.
Now it's triangle pose
I snarl and twitch at my nose
Think of anything else and
A-WOOOOO!
11.
Turn and twist on my heels
Rolling sweat on me feels
Like I'm pissing myself
A-WOOOOO!
12.
Turn and stand like a tree
Are you looking at me?
I will fuck with your chi!
A-WOOOOO!
13.
I'll hang out namaskar
while you all prove just how far
you can go on your toes
A-WOOOOO!
14.
Now we make like we're dead
Wiry fur mats my head
I'll get a drink on the way, ah-
A-WOOOOO!
15.
Pull my knees to my side
I think if anyone died
I'd eat their carcass for lunch
A-WOOOOO!
16.
We peel right up with our backs
my hackles starting to hack
I lick my chops and I snap
A-WOOOOO!
17.
We get our legs nice and straight
And lift them up and we wait
for yoga hostess to say
A-WOOOOO!
18.
On our bellies we fly
I hear one whimper and cry
More hurt will come when I eat you
A-WOOOOO!
19.
I grab down by my heel
and I make like a wheel
a wheel that's going nowhere
A-WOOOOO!
20.
Now to the top of the mat
We guzzle water and pant
And flop down on sweaty backs
A-WOOOOO!
21.
Now bending forward, arms out
My wolf ears twitching about
I hear the sounds of backs stretching
A-WOOOOO!
22.
Now for the deepest back bend
Upside-down, there's my friend
He's freaking staring again!
A-WOOOOO!
23.
When we're paw-deep in rabbit
His heart will thump and I'll grab it
And toss it into my mouth
A-WOOOOO!
24.
But before I can
I must abandon my plan
As we're called to stretch out
A-WOOOOO!
25.
Twisting now like wet ropes
Wringing out all my hopes
That I will kill during class
A-WOOOOO!
26.
Final breathing and- snap!
With every time-keeping clap
I morph back into myself
Ahhhhhh. Oooooooh.