A Lifetime of Confessions

This is Just to Say

I have licked
the faces
on all the handmade ornaments
hanging from the tree

and which
you were probably
planning on hanging on the tree
next year

Forgive me
they were delicious
so salty
and so forbidden

***
This is Just to Say

I have eaten
the powdered coconut
that was in
the refrigerator

and which
you were probably
saving
for some recipe

Forgive me
I didn't think I'd eat the whole bag
I'll never eat
coconut again

***
This is Just to Say

I have dipped
your toothbrush
into
the toilet

and with which
you were probably
planning on
brushing your teeth

Forgive me
you had said something that made me mad
so quick
and so unhygienic

***
This is Just to Say

I have peed on
your gym towel
that you had hanging
by your gym locker

and which
you were probably
planning on using
when you got out of the shower

Forgive me
I was dared to do it
I tried to keep
one side dry

***
This is Just to Say

I have stolen
a strapless bra
that was several sizes
too big for my flat chest

and which
you were probably
hoping to sell
to an actual customer

Forgive me
I needed some street cred
something to tell
my sister's friends

***
This is Just to Say

I have borrowed
the white oxford
that was in
your closet

and which
you were probably
planning on wearing
to work tomorrow

Forgive me
I had to have it to wear with my black leggings
so much longer
than my own shirts

***
This is Just to Say

I have been buying cigarettes and candy bars
with the money
that you've been giving me
for school lunches

and I've helped myself to a few extra bills that
you were probably
saving to buy things
other than a package of Marlboro's for your teenage daughter

Forgive me
I had to have them
slipped past a habit
and into a real addiction

***
This is Just to Say

I have stolen
some almond cookies
that were in the jar behind
the register

and which
you were probably
guessing your employees
wouldn't do

Forgive me
they were fresh out of the oven
so crunchy
and so warm

******
This is Just to Say

I have coerced you
into asking me something
that you weren't ready
to ask

and which
you were probably
saving
for some other woman years later

Forgive me
we had just graduated
college
and everybody, it seemed, was doing it

***
This is Just to Say

I have said
things to you
that I'd never say
the anyone again

and which
you were probably
wondering
why you were the target

Forgive me
I needed out
so sure of it
and I didn't know how

***
This is Just to Say

I have shown up
at your doorstep
at night
and delivered a guitar

which
you were probably
not guessing I'd
ever do

Forgive me
I might have been in a bad place
a wee bit manipulative
and maybe a little psychotic

***
This is Just to Say

I have perhaps had a little too much of
the alcohol
that was sitting
on the restaurant table

and which
you were asking the waiter
not to give me
at all

Forgive me for a second
I need to go lay down on the bathroom floor
so cold
on my cheek

***
This is Just to Say

I have threatened
to "kick you in the balls"
if you were ever mean
to any of my employees

which
probably took you for quite a surprise
as you are my boss's boss's
boss

Forgive me
I've been on a little drinking binge
so bold
and a little without good judgment

***
This is Just to Say

I have locked myself in
the garage
with the
car running

which
you were probably
thinking
wouldn't ever happen again

Forgive me
I can't figure out how to keep
doing this
and I can't figure out how not to

***
This is Just to Say

I have gotten into
a relationship
before I was
actually ready

and which
you were probably
hoping would last
for a long time

Forgive me
I wasn't listening to my gut
so inconsiderate
and so dishonest

***
This is Just to Say

I have searched

your internet history

which led me

to sordid sites

and which

you probably 

didn't even know

I could do

Forgive me

I was suspicious

so tempted

and so sure

***
This is Just to Say

I have pretended
to like
that shitty music
you were playing

and which
you were probably
thinking was
rocking my world

Forgive me
I thought you'd think
my not liking your music
was a sign that we shouldn't be dating
which it probably was

***
This is Just to Say

I have embraced
the life
that's unfolding
before me

and which
you were probably
waiting
for me to do

Forgive me
I had no idea your plans were so much better than mine
so sweet
and so kind